I promise to be good…

An early memory, age: under three

I’m in a back yard area with a kid much younger than me, sitting on a little garden stone wall. For no reason other than I’m bigger than him, I push him off and he falls backward, bumps his head hard, and cries and cries. I run away in a panic and duck behind a nearby bush, afraid I’ll get into trouble. I inwardly promise to be good as long as I don’t get caught. I watch as the kid’s father comes out to pick him up and carry him away. I feel scared and guilty. A little later, when I go inside my own house, neither my mother or father link me to the crime because the little boy can’t talk to tell on me. Nothing bad happens to me. I end up carrying the weight of my promise for the rest of the day, and longer.